Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
