Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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