Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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