he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
