I am in a vortex of obligation.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My feet surprised me
Randomize
