I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
