She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
