I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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