There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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