yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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