direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
