she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
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They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
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She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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