dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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