I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Randomize
