Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
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I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
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I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize