he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
