if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I think I won the penis lottery.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
