stop calling my apartment porn island.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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