I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
