i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
