I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
