Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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