I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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