I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
