Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My pussy is not your playground.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
MIDGETS
????
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
