She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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