You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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