Can Purell be used as lube?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
