I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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