I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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