cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
