I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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