you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
