shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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