I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i drank out of a bidet.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
