He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
