i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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