There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
