You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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