I hate all girls vehemently.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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