i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I need to align my fucking chakras
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
