His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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