Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We had to coat check the pizza.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
