Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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