Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize