well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My liver is preforming stress tests.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize