my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
