i barfeds in our rink
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
