Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
