yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
