Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
