It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
