The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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