Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Randomize
