Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
