hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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