I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
