Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
