I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
