You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The cops high fived after they tackled you
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
