Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
