I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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