I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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