i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize