Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
