Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
