meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You are a genius and a whore.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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