Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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