Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
