so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
