I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
